Rant/Thought: Moms

I'm starting to think that most people just say that they know moms have a really hard job; one of the most demanding and thankless.  And that they must not really believe that.

Because if they actually believed it, they would have more reservations about asking for tons of favors (big and small), and saying things like, "Hey, in your spare time, could you...?" and then asking for more than they had originally.

Really?  What spare time?  Oh, this five minutes I'm spending getting my frustrations out?  Or the five minutes I spend sitting down, and checking my emails?  Or the myriad of text messages from people saying, "I want to see Marcel before he leaves for the summer!"  without thinking that we, his family, only have a few weeks left with him, too, and his dad works a lot so we get first dibs, and Marcel goes to school still 'til the day he leaves. 

Feeling all sorts of pressure from all sorts of people to be Superwoman, or Supermom, or SuperChristian.  Sorry.  I'm only human.  And I have tons and tons and tons and tons and tons on my plate already.  It's a miracle I'm ever able to read my Bible in any kind of real quiet time.  It's a miracle I've been able to finally add one of my passions (painting) back into my schedule, even in a small way.

Try parenting a willful toddler, a special needs child, and running a household with a husband who works 6-7 days a week.  Then ask me about spare time.



//endrant  (Yes, I know this post might not sound super friendly.  I'm very upset.)

Free Indeed

Happy Mother's Day! 

Over the past week, I've been reflecting on the changes I've seen in my mother over the past year, and I put that reflection into a painting for her for Mother's Day.

You see, she had wandered far from God for many years.  I have my suspicions as to why.  She had grown gloomy, depressed, had become ensnared in certain sins... There was no freedom, no hope, and a lot of doubt, a lot of shame.  I had been praying for her since shortly after my conversion, and that effort redoubled after coming back to my hometown in 2009, and for awhile I was feeling very discouraged because I met with such resistance and tension from her on matters of faith.

I didn't start seeing fruit until this past year.  She finally agreed to come to church.  She's been coming every since.  Things have changed.  And it's not just a matter of church attendance. 

I've not personally witnessed any other transformation so dramatic except my own.  It's like she's alive again.  The gloom doesn't follow her.  She has hope.  She is reading her Bible.  She is talking about it.  And to hear her talk about Jesus Christ!  I grin so wide each time!  I don't think I can put the scope of her transformation into words that even partially do it justice.

She has been set free!

And that is the theme of the painting for my mother.  It is called "Free Indeed."

Done in watercolor on 9in x 12in coldpress paper.
I'm not thrilled with how the lettering turned out, but then again, I've never done text in a painting before. 

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 

John 8:36

Ch-ch-changes

I'm waiting for paint to dry (literally), so I decided to take a few moments and tell you all about some changes that are coming, er, have come, I guess.

Earlier this year, I experienced a relatively brief, but intense, dry spell with the Lord.  I still don't understand it, but I know it shut me up pretty effectively.  I felt the need to be quiet.  The dry spell has ended, but something has shifted.  I've been humbled and brought to my knees, and there's an impression from God that I can't ignore.

You're not a teacher.

Yes, that was the impression.  I already knew that about myself, in general, because I originally went to school to be an art teacher, but discovered very early on that I was awful at teaching.  Not only was I ineffective at it, but it wore on me physically and emotionally in a way that I don't think was normal.  And that was art.  For preschoolers.

I didn't realize until this dry spell that my "undestiny" in this area extended to other aspects of my life, like spirituality.  But taking inventory... there's been times on my blog here that I've tried to take on the role of teacher, of someone expounding on text.  And it puffed me up.  It made me feel mature.  But I'm not mature.  I'm more mature than I was three years ago as a baby Christian, but I'm not mature.  I have more than a few friends who I view as theological giants.  In a way, I envy them... their grasp is so beyond mine.  But I need to be content in the pace and level to which the Spirit opens my eyes, heart and mind... There are some things that, yes, I'm more familiar with than others simply because of my life experiences, and with those, I feel called to give guidance or information on (like the informative posts I've done on different pagan/new age things).  But the impression I got during my dry spell in general was

You're not a teacher.  Sit at My knee.  Learn to be quiet.  Listen.

Any illusion of grandeur, any pride that was seeping in, has been cut very sharply from me.  I've been taken down a few pegs.  I'm learning to shut up.

A notecard from inside my late grandmother's Bible.

I'm not going to go away, but I think the nature of my blog, for now at least, is going to be in the flavor of my own thoughts... my daily life... my own lessons from the Lord...  And every now and then, when the time is right, and I feel led to do so, there will be something that I try to give information on and teach about.  But I'm going to try not to bite off more than I can chew, and I'm going to stay the right size for my britches.

*superdupercliches*

This means I'll likely be contacting those who have asked me to guest blog and decline.  This particular season in my life is not the time.  I need to sit, learn, rest, listen, grow and minister to my family, first and foremost.

Thank you all for reading.  I hope you stick around, even in spite of all of this.  There will be art to see, if that's any incentive to keep following. 

Artwork x 3

This post is for Lydia, especially, since she had mentioned getting to see some of what I've been working on.  I have three things to post that are newly completed in the past couple of weeks:  two drawings, one painting. 

I have two other paintings I've just completed, but haven't had the opportunity to photograph yet, and I'm working on another painting currently, as well sketching out a painting inspired by my friend, April, and two other sketches for paintings of my boys.  I'll post as they come to fruition.

Sorry for the watermarks.  I hate having to add them, but too many thieves lurk the internet, just waiting to take credit for someone else's work.

This is a colored pencil drawing done from a photograph of my husband when he was young.  I made it for my mother-in-law for Mother's Day, as she gave us that original photo but loves it herself.  I'm going to be framing it and sending it to her soon.  (This was my first colored pencil drawing in eight years!)  It's called "Best Friends."

Ha, well... this started out as a doodle in my sketchbook last week, after a long and noisy day of mothering.  I was happy and smiling, but completely frazzled and worn thin, and I wanted to get that feeling out.  I ended up liking the doodle, and completed it using manga art markers.  I call it "Motherhood."

I was doing watercolor painting with Luka, and while he worked, I tried to make my own.  I started painting an apple, but Luka kept painting on my sheet with various colors.  So as I tried to incorporate those colors, this happened instead.  It reminds me of a sunrise, and my aunt pointed out that it looked also a bit like the marking on a peacock feather, so I've named it "Peacock Sunrise."

Hope you liked them!  I love getting to paint/draw again.  I wonder how God felt after He finished creating the world?  Wow... I can't wait to ask Him that someday.

I Daresay...

I daresay my "dry spell" has ended.  Actually, it did some time ago...  I'm so glad it was a short one.  I've learned some lessons-- especially in humility.  That's never a fun one, but necessary quite often.


Things have been good and busy here.  I'll give a quick run-down, and hopefully I'll be back to regular posting again over the summer.


Starting January 2nd, I decided it was time to get healthy.  My husband had bought me a bunch of fitness stuff for Christmas because he was sick of hearing me lament my weight and health issues without doing anything about it.  He gave me no excuse not to start.  He even splurged and got me Nutrisystem to jumpstart better eating and good portion sizes.  I started exercising, low-impact for my bad joints, and I'm happy to announce that I'm a healthier and much fitter Emily.  I was 177.4 lbs at the start, and as of today I am 140 lbs.  I just reached "normal" BMI-- and I started at "obese" and traveled all the way down through "overweight."  Due to this effort, much of my joint pain has eased, and I feel a lot more upbeat. I can even jog for 25 minutes at a time now (this NEVER happened before, and it took time to build up to).


I admit, though, that I have to watch that I don't let my fitness/body image become an obsession.  Thank God I have GOD, or it would have become that for sure.


Also, I got a new car finally!  Almost a month ago now, Brooks surprised me after he got home from work with, "Let's go buy you a van!"  I was so thrilled.  I've been "stranded" without a car of my own for three years, and Brooks used our only car to get to work (he's gone from 4:45am til about 6:30pm, 6 days a week).  It was depressing for me, especially the cabin fever.  And I have a very severe fear of public transportation, which I'll have to explain in detail sometime. Now, I finally get to run errands spread out through the week, go to parks with Luka, and have visits with family and friends.  It's wonderful!  Though my housework is falling behind now.  Eeek. 


And last but not least.... some of you may remember last summer, when Brooks built me my "studio" for me to do art/work in.  Well, I'm finally really putting it to use!  Getting back into doing my artwork in a very serious way.  I'm loving it.  I feel like God made me to love this, to do this.  I'm so grateful He's given me this part of my life back.   And He has so used my husband to give me these wonderful blessings.  I couldn't have made up someone more thoughtful and caring than my husband.


So there you have it.  Those are the newer things that I've added into my daily life that have been keeping me busy:  steady exercise, errands, visits, playdates, and creating.


It makes me want to kick up my heels and dance!  Sing some praises!  What a wonderful feeling!